Refusal to Forgive
I read an article today “My Mom’s Addiction” by a daughter who refuses to forgive her mother. The article is a stark reminder of the damage done by drug addiction. I sent the article to a friend who spent his life addicted to alcohol and as such would be in a better position than me to comment. Following is how he replied:
” This is my first gut reaction to this article: it sounds to me like the author of this needs to work on her own personal 8th and 9th Steps. I do not see forgiveness in this article and I do not see the perspective nor the understanding I would expect to see from an alcoholic, which the author is.
I can certainly understand the pain, confusion and bitterness associated with living in a dysfunctional family like that; what I don’t understand is being a sponsor for other newcomers to AA when it is pretty obvious this lady has quite a bit of work still to do on her own program.”
After reading my friend’s reaction I then scrolled down through the comments left at the end of this woman’s article and to my surprise I found the following comment written by a mother who explains how, without forgiveness, sobriety is meaningless and without solid foundations. Sobriety is a spiritual path based on love and forgiveness.
“I am the mother that you described. I do not know you, but this is my story. I am clean over 25 years and my daughter still refuses to forgive me for the many years of my addiction. I have come to learn, in my own recovery that I cannot expect others to change…to seek higher spiritual ground…just because I got sober. I am not the person that I was when I was drunk/loaded, but I am still not the person I was when my daughter was small.
Today I know that her childs’ mind saw what she needed as a child. Today, I pray that her refusal to forgive me and enter into adult relationship with me effects her kids in only a minimal way, but I doubt it.
Unforgiveness can be an addiction of its’ own and it can be passed from generation to generation, just like chemical addiction. Because of AA I know that resentment is the number one killer of my own personal growth in recovery. I hope and pray that God may do for you what you say that you cannot do for yourself.”
How is that for synchronicity?